Bouncing Back: What Can You Change?

When I talk with people in the work I do coaching about bouncing back from loss and mistakes, sometimes I hear people remind themselves to focus on the things they can change instead of rehashing the stories that happened to them.

People naturally know this, but it’s hard to do.

You can’t change other people, places, or things. The only thing you can change is your thinking, beliefs, and actions, including your self-talk. Those are the keys to bouncing back and being resilient.

Here’s the hard part: Doing something differently usually involves processes you will dislike. For example, you may need to take a risk and leave your comfort zone. You may have to call someone you’ve been avoiding. You may need to confront an issue or be willing to ask for help.

This is hard, and especially difficult to do on your own. That’s why so many people decide to get a coach. Everybody needs someone to talk things through before taking a risk.

Embracing these tough realities may seem like an excruciating prospect. You’ll need to shed your protective cocoon and open yourself up to possibly more rejection and loss. Cocoons are merely illusions of safety.

You can’t land another job unless you’re brave enough to apply. You can’t benefit from retraining until you sign up for relevant programs or classes. You cannot reach your desired goal without shedding your old skin and learning new skills.

If you fail to act, learn or acknowledge your responsibility, you’ll never be able to program your own reality show. You’ll be stuck in a bad movie. Like Bill Murray in Groundhog Day, you’ll just keep replaying the same mistakes.

You can change jobs, change bosses, and change partners. But the chances are you’ll pick future jobs, bosses and partners similar to previous ones. Unless you work on discovering your part in creating reality, you’ll do it over again.

What’s been your experience with bouncing back? I’d love to hear from you.

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